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God didn’t let me go

26 Nov

Happily-ever-afters do not exist. I learned that early in life. When I was in Grade 3, my father’s business went bankrupt, leaving us mile-high debts that piled up to our heads. He lost his job and months later my mom lost hers. The whole family was devastated. Relatives became uneasy towards us and friends got sick of what I like to call imposed amnesia.  Being the eldest, I’m aware — painfully aware of what my parents have to deal with. With two grade schoolers who needs pambaon at pamasahe and a toddler who needs milk and diaper; gas, electric and water bills; and no job, the future does not look bright. Not to mention all the gossips and criticisms we’ll hear from relatives and old friends. It was all too much for a ten-year old girl to handle. I used to stay up late at night thinking what would become of us. Instead of thinking of what cartoons to watch, I worry of our worst case scenarios. Instead of crying over Cinderella’s torn ball gown, I cry over a real fridge, tv, and truck that someone took to pay our debt. Having no one to talk to since I’m too ashamed to share these to my friends, it’s this time that I really learned to pray and tell God what I really feel. Before, prayer was only part of my routine, an empty task. But as I tell God all my concerns and worries, I find that He always meets my needs. I also learned to read the Bible – seriously this time. And as God and I converse more, I also realized how much He really values me, how much He’s willing to go through to gain my friendship. It struck me that “God so loved the world that He gave His one and only begotten Son.” I was touched that He’s willing to give up the most important Person for Him to gain me. Now I know that God has a wonderful plan for my life. I held on to His promise that if He is so willing to give me His Son what more will He not give for me. I found peace that God is in control and that He is my friend, my Father.  And now that I gave Him my life, now that He’s the one writing my story, I can still, after all, live happily ever after.