June: First Week


I was having a hard time coping with the discussion. Yup, I’m back in UP. I can feel it in the throbbing in my chest. I focused my attention to the first serious discussion of the school year. Though I know the answers to every question the teacher flashed in the screen, I can’t utter a word nor raise my hand to call her attention. I felt like I was sinking even though I prepared myself well. I prayed, “Lord, I can’t do this on my own. I can’t do this on my own. Help me.” A few minutes passed and the professor flashed another question but no one dared raise a hand. It was a question from a chapter suggested by the professor in case we want to read it. “Can somebody explain this?” the teacher asked. The room suddenly fell silent. Without second thoughts, I raised my hand and answered the question. I stammered but I went on. I thought, “I’ll do my best ’till the thought get through.” After that, I raised my hand two or three times and added my opinion. As I was walking home that afternoon I thought, “Yup, I’m back in UP where I’m in my weakest. I’m back trusting God to get me through each day. It feels good ’cause I know like in the past three years in my stay here in UP, He will see me through.”

I trust a great God. I’m in His safe and able hands.


I spent the whole night yesterday looking for possible thesis topics. I was so frustrated I wanted to cry and let all the negative feeling come in. Still, I heard God telling me, “No, daughter, remember you can do this. I got you.” So I fought on. Later today, while our professor was giving us possible topics, God reminded me of a topic I have cherished in my heart. Instantly, my heart raced that it felt like it will jump out of my chest. I thank God for I knew this is it. Besides, my thesis professor was very calm and relaxed. His attitude reminded me that it won’t be the end of the world if I didn’t get this right. It’ll be okay because even if I don’t have any idea what would happen, God has planned this out. He already knew the outcome. In fact, He’s already there. I can rest well tonight.


I missed an assignment. The questions were supposed to come via Dropbox but somehow it didn’t. Then, I only found out about it in class. What was I supposed to do? I asked the professor if I can make up for it. After all, technology can fail us sometimes, right? But she didn’t gave me a second chance. I understood her judgment. As I was walking home, I asked God, “Lord, where are you in this? How should I look at this? I don’t think telling me ‘I am with you.’ will explain and compensate for this.” But it did. ^_^ He was with me when I checked the Dropbox and nothing was there. He was with me when I was happily doing other things rather than making that assignment. He knew I was missing something and He let it happen. Knowing that He knew this would happen and that this is not an accident gave me comfort because I know He is a good God. Nothing He does is meant to harm me. So even if I don’t understand Him, I still trust Him with this.


This day was extremely tiring but I thank God for the joy and the strength He gave me to endure. I thank God for the fellowship, the victories, the enthusiasm He gave for another year of ministry. He deserves all glory and praise.


I was busy reading and making  papers for a subject (the one where I missed an assignment ^_^). All the while I’m thinking that I’m missing what probably is God’s answer to my prayers. Miles away, our newly installed pastor will be handing down his rules and will be preaching his first sermon and here am I, missing all the action. I tried to forget all about it and kept on working while listening to some Christian music. Through the music, I felt content working and experiencing God’s presence. Not because I did not chose to go home and stayed here to finish what I had to do means that God isn’t with me. He didn’t left me. He is here and by His grace, I can experience His love and His goodness. I need more of Him everyday studying or working. God is not limited. With Him, even study time is worship time.


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